Patience

I can be an incredibly impatient person. I’ve noticed that when I am impatient, my anxiety levels go way up. I like instant gratification. It gives a rush of dopamine, whether it be through wanting a new piece of furniture, coming up with new projects in my house, or buying a flower.  It provides a moment of indulgence and excitement. Though it is short lived, instant gratification sends my head spinning. I am moving quickly from one thing to the next. Don’t get me wrong, having hobbies and dreams is fun. Looking forward to things can be good. But for me, the imbalance of it becomes more than my mind can handle. After a short time, I my brain becomes overstimulated. It then turns into unsettling anxiety and discontentment. 

                 When we first moved into our home, nearly five years ago, I didn’t realize the rollercoaster of learning I was embarking. From landscaping my property and buying flowers, there was so much potential. I was a little bit crazy those first three years. I wanted all of my flowers to be big and beautiful overnight. To say I had patience was laughable. I began creating flower beds and would regularly hit up the local nurseries, returning home to plant my new treasures.

          This is where it gets ridiculous. I could never keep one plant in the same spot for longer than a summer. The incriminating evidence is in the background of all our outdoor pictures. I was moving plants from one spot to another, even my neighbors were starting to notice and began to tease me. I was starting to get embarrassed. Nothing was growing or getting bigger. Since nothing was getting bigger and didn’t look as I hoped, I would change out those plants and get different ones. It became a viscous cycle. 

        I remember going into the third year (you think I would have learned at this point) and one of my avid gardener friends told me I needed to stop moving my plants. It hit me hard. I needed to hear it. I finally realized that at this rate nothing was going to get bigger and I was never going to be content with my yard. This was supposed to bring me joy and happiness, not discontentment. 

       I needed to make some changes and practice patience. I need to learn to delay gratification and bridle my passions. This was difficult to do. I was not good at any of this and I had to face some of my weaknesses. It takes work to bridle your passions. I remember reading a verse from the scriptures that stated “see that ye bridle your passions, that ye may be filled with love.” This was out of The Book of Mormon, Alma 38:12.  Who wouldn’t want to be filled with greater love? I started to realize that being impatient and allowing my desires to go wild was inhibiting my ability to feel love. 

     Flowers force you to be patient because they take time to grow and get big. It will take years for some flowers to grow to the desired size.  Learning patience with my flowers and with gardening has carried over to other areas of my life. I am more content and grateful for what I have.  I still want things, I am still impatient, and I sometimes forget to bridle my passions. But, I’m growing and my anxiety has gotten lighter through the process. Working in my yard has numerous benefits. It not only brings me joy, but it also teaches me about life. 

- The Flower Fanatic

Examples of opportunities for patience in the garden:

  I have roses that I want to relocate. Normally I would have moved them the moment I made that decision. With the possibility of killing the plants,  I’m choosing to wait until spring when it is best for them. They are still in the ground! I’m incredibly proud of myself. It’s seems like a small feat, but for me it is a big deal and helps me feel more in control.

I really want to create a flower bed or two, but now is not the time. I tell myself there is no hurry…what is the rush? I’m okay just letting it go and waiting until the time is right. In the past it would have made me anxious and frustrated. 

  Today, I was widening a flower bed. Normally, when I want start I want to finish it. I want it done before I quit for the day and can end up pushing myself too hard. I have been recovering from a recent sickness and I needed to rest. I told myself that there is no need to finish it today, I’ll finish tomorrow and it will all be okay. As a result, I’m not as anxious about the situation and its healthier for my body and mind. 

Here are some positive affirmations I tell myself regarding gardening and patience.

“I know that as I’m patient in the garden, I will appreciate the flowers more and be able to feel greater love for them”

     “There is no rush in gardening. It’s a lifetime endeavor meant to bring joy and happiness.”

     “If all the flowers got big and full quickly, I would have nothing to look forward too!”

      “Gardening is never complete, it’s the process of creating that is fun.”

      “Practicing patience in gardening provides more time to appreciate what I already have.” 

      “If I don’t wait and let my flowers grow, the plants will never reach their potential and I will be frustrated.” 

- The Flower Fanatic